What this guide covers
Everyone copes with something. Most of the time we do it without thinking: a walk after a bad meeting, a call to a friend, an early night. This guide is for the times when that is no longer enough, because the stress has gone on too long, the old habits have started to cost more than they give, or life has become so full that there is no room left to breathe.
The pages are written for adults and are grouped into five parts. They draw on sources such as the National Institute of Mental Health, the NIH's National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, the National Center for PTSD and peer-reviewed research. They describe common experiences; they cannot diagnose you or replace care from a professional who knows your situation.
Understanding coping
Start with what coping skills are: the difference between coping that works on a problem and coping that works on the feelings it stirs up, and why no single skill fits every situation. Researchers define coping as the thoughts and behaviors people use to manage situations they experience as stressful, and that broad definition matters, because it includes the habits that help and the ones that do not.
Healthy and unhealthy coping looks at that second group honestly: drinking to switch off, pulling away from people, overworking, scrolling. These usually work in the short term, which is why they are hard to give up. And if you were always the one who handled everything and now find small things tipping you over, when you cannot cope like you used to explains what is usually going on and when to get help.
Skills to practice
The second group of pages is practical. Calming your body when stress hits walks through belly breathing, breathing with a longer exhale, and progressive muscle relaxation, with what the research does and does not show. Grounding techniques, including the well-known 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, help when your mind is racing or a memory has pulled you away from the present.
For moments when an emotion floods you, managing overwhelming emotions draws on the skills psychologist Marsha Linehan developed for dialectical behavior therapy. And self-compassion, based on Kristin Neff's research, addresses the harsh inner voice that so often makes stress worse.
These skills work best when practiced on ordinary days, so that they are familiar when you need them.
Crazy busy, for too long
Many adults are not facing a single crisis so much as a life that never lets up: work, children, aging parents, commitments that keep multiplying. Always busy and exhausted looks at what that does to body and mind over time, and signs of burnout explains how the World Health Organization describes burnout and how it differs from ordinary tiredness.
For some people the busyness is partly a way of coping. Why you cannot slow down explores why rest can feel uncomfortable, and boundaries on your time offers practical ways to decide what you will and will not take on. If work is the main source of strain, the work stress and layoffs guide goes further.
A more balanced life
Balance rarely means an even split of hours. Finding balance in a full life is about knowing what matters most in this season and protecting it. Learning to relax treats relaxation as a skill you can relearn after a long stretch of running, and rest without guilt takes on the voice that says you should be doing something more useful.
When everything feels like too much at once, when life feels unmanageable focuses on getting through the next few days with less weight on you.
Where counseling fits
Coping skills can be learned from reading, but they tend to stick better with someone who can help you see your own patterns and adjust as you go. How individual counseling builds coping skills describes what that work usually involves.
Laura Bass is a psychotherapist in Charlotte, North Carolina, who works with adults on coping skills, being crazy busy for too long, and finding a more balanced and relaxed life. She works with the whole person, mind, body and spirit; spiritual and energy work is offered alongside psychotherapy, and clients choose how much of it is part of their sessions. Read about individual counseling and psychotherapy and counseling in Charlotte, or contact Laura with questions.
Laura does not prescribe medication, and coping skills are not a substitute for medical care. If stress has turned into a crisis, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911.
Common questions
What are the most useful coping skills to learn first?
Most people benefit from one skill for the body, such as slow breathing, one for a racing mind, such as grounding, and a habit of speaking to themselves more kindly. Beyond that, it depends on what you are dealing with. A counselor can help you see which of your current habits help, which cost you, and what to practice next.
Is being busy all the time actually a problem?
Not always. Some busy seasons are worth it and come to an end. It becomes a problem when there is no end in sight, when rest no longer restores you, when sleep, health or relationships are suffering, or when you feel uneasy the moment you stop. The pages on busyness and burnout in this guide go into the signs.
Can counseling help if nothing is wrong, I am just overwhelmed?
Yes. Counseling is not only for diagnosable conditions. Many adults come to it because life has become too full, their usual ways of coping are not working, or they want to live with less strain. Laura Bass works with adults in Charlotte on coping skills, busyness and balance. To ask whether she is a good fit, contact Laura.