What is grief counseling?
Grief counseling is talking therapy that centers on a loss. It gives you a regular, private place to talk about the person who died or the loss you are living with, to feel what you feel without managing anyone else's reaction, and to work out how to go on living with it. It is not about getting over someone or forgetting them.
The National Cancer Institute's summary of grief research notes that normal grief may not need to be treated, and that for people who have serious grief reactions or symptoms of distress, treatment may be helpful. Counseling sits across that range. Some people come for a few conversations to steady themselves; others come because grief has tangled with something older and harder.
When is it worth talking to someone?
There is no threshold you have to meet. People commonly look for grief counseling when one or more of these is true:
- You feel alone with the loss, or the people around you expect you to be past it.
- Guilt, anger or regret about the death keeps circling.
- The death was sudden, violent or by suicide, or you were there when it happened.
- The loss is one others do not recognize, such as a pet, an ex-spouse or a pregnancy. Disenfranchised grief explains why that can be so isolating.
- You are caring for someone who is dying and already grieving. See anticipatory grief.
- Grief has stayed at full intensity for a long time and is getting in the way of work, relationships or sleep.
- The loss has reopened an older grief, or changed how you see your faith or your future.
What happens in grief counseling?
Every counselor works differently, but early conversations usually focus on the loss itself: who the person was, what happened, what life has been like since, and what support you have. Many people are surprised by how much it helps simply to tell the whole story to someone who is not grieving the same person.
Over time, the work tends to move between remembering and rebuilding. That might include sorting through regrets or unfinished conversations, finding words for feelings that do not fit together, noticing how grief shows up in the body and in sleep, and thinking about routines, roles and relationships that have changed. Grief in the body and what grief feels like describe some of that ground.
What grief counseling is not
It is not a timetable for being done, and it does not ask you to let go of the person. Many people find that the relationship with someone who died continues in a different form. It is also not a promise that a particular number of sessions will make the pain go away; grief changes shape at its own pace.
When grief needs more specialized help
For a minority of people, grief stays at its most intense for a long time. The American Psychiatric Association added prolonged grief disorder to the DSM-5-TR in 2022 and describes talking therapies designed for it, along with other approaches based on cognitive behavioral therapy. Prolonged grief explains what that diagnosis covers.
Grief can also come alongside depression or anxiety. The American Psychiatric Association notes there are currently no medications for grief symptoms themselves; medication for depression or other conditions is a decision for a physician or psychiatric prescriber. Laura Bass does not prescribe medication, and she can talk with you about whether another kind of help should be part of the picture.
Grief counseling with Laura Bass
Laura Bass is a psychotherapist at Laura Bass Counseling in Charlotte, North Carolina. She works with adults, and grief is one of the areas she works with in individual counseling. She holds a BA in Psychology from UNC Chapel Hill and an MSW from the University of South Carolina.
Laura works with the whole person: mind, body and spirit. For some people, a loss raises questions of faith, meaning or what happens after death, and they want room to talk about that. Laura's background includes Spiritual Direction studies at the Haden Institute, and she is an ordained minister, so those conversations are welcome. For others, spirituality is not part of how they grieve, and it does not need to come up at all. You choose how much of it is part of your sessions. Grief and faith looks at that side of loss, and the Emotion Code and grief describes a complementary approach some clients ask about, which is not a substitute for counseling or medical care.
Practical questions such as fees, scheduling and how to get started are best answered directly. You can contact Laura to ask, and to talk about whether working together on your loss would be a good fit.
If you are in crisis
Counseling is not emergency care. If grief has brought thoughts of suicide or of not wanting to go on, or you are worried about someone else, call 911, or call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at any hour.
Common questions
How soon after a death can I start grief counseling?
Whenever you want to. There is no rule that you must wait a certain time. Some people want support in the first weeks, when everything is raw; others come months or much later, when the support around them has faded or the grief has not shifted. You can also start before a death, if you are already grieving someone who is ill.
Do I need a diagnosis to see someone about grief?
No. Grief is a normal response to loss, not a disorder, and you do not need to be diagnosed with anything to talk with a counselor about it. A diagnosis such as prolonged grief disorder is only relevant for a minority of people whose grief stays at its most intense and disabling for a long time.
Is grief counseling different from a support group?
Yes, and both can help. A support group offers the company of others who have had similar losses, which can ease the sense of being alone. Individual counseling is private and focused only on you, your loss and your history. Some people use one, some use both, and some move from one to the other.
Can I talk about faith or the afterlife in grief counseling with Laura?
Yes, if you want to. Laura works with the whole person, and spiritual questions are welcome in sessions for clients who want them, whatever their tradition. If faith is not part of how you grieve, it does not need to come up. You decide how much spirituality, if any, is part of the work.
How long does grief counseling take?
It varies with the person and the loss, and nobody can promise a timeline. Some people find a handful of conversations enough to steady themselves; others want support for longer, especially after a sudden or complicated loss. It is reasonable to talk about this with Laura early on, and to revisit it as you go.