What is normal to feel right after a layoff?
Almost anything. In the first days after a layoff many people feel numb, as if it happened to someone else. Others feel a rush of anger at the company, the manager or themselves. Some feel a guilty kind of relief, especially if the job had been miserable for a long time. Fear about money and about what comes next tends to arrive in waves, often at night.
These reactions make sense. Researchers who study unemployment, including Connie Wanberg in a review for the Annual Review of Psychology, describe a well-documented link between losing work and declines in psychological health. An APA Monitor on Psychology feature on the toll of job loss makes the same point. A layoff is a loss, and the first weeks are the part where the loss is newest.
Why does the shock feel so physical?
Many people are surprised by how much a layoff shows up in the body: trouble sleeping, a racing heart when an email arrives, no appetite or constant snacking, a heavy tiredness that sleep does not fix. Stress affects the body as well as the mind, and a sudden threat to income and routine is a real stressor.
It can help to expect this rather than read it as a sign that something is wrong with you. Simple things that calm the body, covered in calming your body when stress hits, are worth trying in the first weeks, when your nervous system is still catching up with the news.
How do you get through the first few weeks?
There is no right way to spend the first weeks, but a few habits tend to make them more bearable. None of them requires feeling better first.
Give each day a few fixed points
Losing a job removes the shape of the day along with the paycheck. A set time to get up, a walk, a meal with someone, an hour for paperwork and a stopping time in the evening give the day edges. Unstructured days tend to fill with replaying the layoff.
Tell a few people
Shame makes many people hide a layoff, sometimes for weeks. Telling two or three people you trust, in your own words, usually lightens the load and opens the door to practical help later. You do not have to announce it to everyone at once.
Do one practical task at a time
The list of things to sort out can feel enormous. Pick one task a day and let that count as enough. A written list of deadlines, kept in one place, stops your mind from trying to hold all of it at once.
Let the job search wait a little if you can
Some people want to start applying the next morning; others need a pause. If your situation allows, a short breathing space before a full search can mean you apply with a clearer head. Job search stress and rejection covers what comes next.
Where do the practical answers live?
Benefits and coverage rules change and depend on your situation, so it is best to get answers from the official sources rather than from a friend's experience or a general article like this one. This page does not give legal or benefits advice; these are starting points.
- Unemployment insurance in North Carolina: the NC Division of Employment Security explains how to apply online or by phone and notes that you must be able and available to work and actively looking for a job to receive benefits.
- Keeping your workplace health plan: the US Department of Labor explains COBRA continuation coverage, including how long it usually lasts and how long you have to enroll.
- Other health coverage: HealthCare.gov explains options after losing job-based coverage, and its special enrollment page explains the time window that losing coverage opens.
- Severance, final pay and anything in a separation agreement: ask your former employer's HR contact, and for legal questions, an employment attorney.
- Job search help in Mecklenburg County: Charlotte Works, the local workforce development board.
What tends to make the first weeks harder?
A few patterns are worth watching for, not because they are unusual but because they can quietly deepen the low point.
- Going over the layoff meeting again and again, looking for the moment you could have prevented it. Layoffs usually reflect budgets and strategy more than any one person.
- Pulling away from everyone, including people who would gladly help.
- Using alcohol, scrolling or sleep to get through the days, more than you normally would.
- Treating every hour as a test of whether you are being productive enough.
- Making large irreversible decisions while the shock is fresh, if they can reasonably wait.
When is it more than the normal shock?
The first weeks are supposed to be hard. It is worth reaching out for help if, after the first few weeks, you cannot get through the day, you feel hopeless most of the time, you have stopped looking after yourself, or you are drinking much more. Signs of depression describes what to look for, and losing a job can also bring a kind of grief that others do not always recognize, described in disenfranchised grief.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
How counseling can help in the first weeks
Talking with a counselor soon after a layoff is not only for people who are struggling badly. It can be a place to say the angry, frightened or embarrassed things out loud, to sort what needs attention now from what can wait, and to steady yourself before the job search. Laura Bass is a psychotherapist in Charlotte who works with adults dealing with job stress and layoffs, in individual counseling. For practical questions, contact Laura.
For the bigger picture, see the work stress and layoffs guide and job loss and career change.
Common questions
Is it normal to feel relieved after being laid off?
Yes. If the job was stressful, unstable or unhappy, part of you may feel lighter even while another part is frightened. Relief does not mean the layoff did not matter, and it often sits alongside grief and worry. Many people feel guilty about the relief, which only adds another layer. It is fine to let both feelings be true for a while.
Should I start job hunting right away?
It depends on your finances and your state of mind. Some people feel steadier with a plan and want to start at once. Others need a few days or weeks to absorb the news. Check what the NC Division of Employment Security requires for benefits, since an active job search is part of eligibility, and then decide on a pace you can keep up.
How do I tell my family I was laid off?
Plainly and early is usually easier than hiding it. Say what happened in a sentence or two, what you know so far about money and timing, and what kind of support would help. Partners often worry most about being shut out. With children, a calm, simple explanation suited to their age is usually better than silence. Layoffs and your relationship goes further.
Can I talk to a counselor if I am not sure it is serious enough?
Yes. You do not need to reach a crisis point to talk to someone about a layoff. Many people come to counseling because the loss is affecting their sleep, confidence, mood or relationships and they want help sorting through it. For questions about how sessions with Laura work, including fees, contact Laura directly.