What happens in a spiritual direction session?
Most sessions follow a simple shape. You meet your director in a quiet room, or online, and many directors begin with a moment of silence, a brief prayer, or simply a few breaths, adapted to your tradition. Then you talk about whatever feels alive in your spiritual life since you last met.
The director listens. According to Spiritual Directors International (SDI), directors offer deep listening, ask open-ended questions, leave space for contemplation, and act as a kind of mirror so you can notice what you are experiencing. Toward the end, there may be another pause or a short reflection, and the session closes. Nothing has to be resolved.
What does a first session usually cover?
A first meeting is partly practical and partly a chance to see whether the fit feels right. Many directors treat it as a trial conversation, with no commitment to continue.
- Your spiritual background, including any tradition you grew up in and where you are now.
- What draws you to spiritual direction at this point in your life.
- How the director works, including their own tradition and training.
- Practical agreements: how often to meet, session length, fees, cancellations and confidentiality, often set out in a written engagement agreement as SDI recommends.
- What to do if something comes up that belongs with a therapist or doctor.
How long and how often?
A session usually lasts about an hour. SDI's sample engagement agreement for directors is written around a monthly one-hour session, with room to meet more often or for longer by arrangement. Monthly meetings give time for things to unfold between conversations, which is part of the point.
The relationship is often long-term. Some people stay with the same director for many seasons of life; others meet for a particular period of discernment and then pause. Either is normal, and you can end the relationship at any time.
What do people talk about in spiritual direction?
There is no set curriculum. The directee brings the material, and the conversation follows what matters to them. Common threads include:
- Prayer, meditation or contemplative practice, including times when it feels dry or absent.
- A sense of calling, or a decision that needs discernment.
- Experiences of the sacred in nature, relationships, work or art.
- Doubt, changing beliefs, or distance from a faith community.
- Dreams and images, especially with directors trained in Jungian or dream-work approaches such as those taught at the Haden Institute.
- Ordinary life: family, aging, loss and joy, seen through a spiritual lens.
Dreams in spiritual direction
Some training programs give dreams particular attention. The Haden Institute in North Carolina, where Laura Bass studied spiritual direction, describes its training as rooted in the Jungian mystical Christian tradition and teaches dream work alongside contemplative practice. In that approach, a directee might bring a dream and explore, with the director, what it evokes, without the director interpreting it for them.
What is the relationship between director and directee?
The word director is a little misleading. SDI describes directors as people who do not proselytize or try to convince, but who walk alongside others and honor each person's free will and discernment. Many directors see the true director as God or the Spirit, and themselves as a companion who helps the directee notice it.
The relationship has clear boundaries. SDI publishes Guidelines for Ethical Conduct and recommends a written engagement agreement setting out roles, confidentiality and fees. Its sample agreement commits the director to hold conversations in strict confidence unless law or a court order requires otherwise, while the directee is free to share anything they choose. Many directors are themselves in supervision or in direction with someone else.
Is spiritual direction interfaith?
Yes, increasingly so. Spiritual direction has deep roots in Christian contemplative traditions, but SDI welcomes people of every tradition or none, and its community includes Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and people with secular spiritualities. The Haden Institute likewise states that its trainees need not be Christian or belong to any religious tradition.
In practice, a good director uses your language rather than theirs. If you speak of God, they will too; if you speak of meaning, presence or nature, they will follow that. It is fair to ask a prospective director how they work with people whose beliefs differ from their own.
What spiritual direction is not
Spiritual direction is not psychotherapy, counseling, or crisis care. SDI's sample agreement has the director state that, although it is sometimes appropriate to talk about psychological and relational difficulties, they are not a psychotherapist and do not provide such services. When something needs clinical attention, such as depression, trauma or a relationship in crisis, a good director will suggest seeing a therapist or doctor, and some people see both.
The article on spiritual direction vs. therapy explores the difference. If you are in immediate danger, call 911; for crisis support, call or text 988.
Common questions
What should I bring to my first spiritual direction session?
Nothing is required. Some people bring a question, a recent experience, a journal or a dream; others arrive not knowing what to say, and that is fine. A first session often includes getting to know each other, talking about your spiritual background, and agreeing on practical details such as frequency, fees and confidentiality.
Can spiritual direction happen online?
Many directors meet by video as well as in person, and training programs, including the Haden Institute, now offer virtual formats. Whether a particular director works online is something to ask. For Laura Bass, whether she currently offers spiritual direction at all, and in what format, is a question to put to her directly.
Does a spiritual director give advice?
Generally not in the sense of telling you what to do. A director's role is to listen, reflect and ask questions that help you notice your own experience and discernment. Some directors will suggest a practice, a reading or a way of praying if you want one, but the decisions remain yours.
Is group spiritual direction an option?
Yes. Some directors and retreat centers offer group spiritual direction, in which a small group meets regularly, takes turns sharing, and holds silence and attentive listening for each other. It follows the same principles as individual direction. Ask a prospective director whether they offer groups and how confidentiality is handled among members.
What if I do not know what to say?
That is common, especially early on. Directors are comfortable with silence, and a pause is often where something important surfaces. You might start with what happened this week, a feeling you cannot name, or simply the fact that you do not know where to begin. The director will help with a gentle question.