Your first inner child therapy session

What happens in a first inner child therapy session?

Usually, a conversation. The therapist asks what brought you in, what has been happening lately, what you already know about your own patterns, and what you hope will be different. They explain how they work, go over confidentiality and paperwork, and talk with you about whether working together makes sense. Most of the time, a first session does not include exercises with your younger self at all.

That can be a relief or a disappointment, depending on how long you have been waiting. It is deliberate. Because "inner child" is an informal idea rather than one standardized therapy, every therapist brings it in differently, and a good one wants to understand you and your history before inviting you toward painful material. Our page on what inner child work is explains the idea itself.

What might a therapist ask you?

Questions vary from therapist to therapist, and you can decline any of them. These are the kinds that commonly come up:

• What made you look for help now?
• What does the problem look like day to day: in your relationships, at work, in your body, in how you speak to yourself?
• What drew you to the idea of inner child work in particular? A book, a friend, something you noticed in yourself?
• A little about the family you grew up in, at whatever depth feels manageable today.
• Have you been in counseling before, and what helped or did not?
• What support do you have now: people, faith, groups, routines?
• Have you ever felt overwhelmed, numb or far away when old memories came up? This helps the therapist plan how to pace the work.
• What would you like to be different?

Consent and pacing

Inner child work can bring up strong feelings, sometimes from memories you have not thought about in a long time. That is why consent and pacing matter more here than in many kinds of counseling. SAMHSA, the federal agency for mental health and substance use services, describes trauma-informed care as emphasizing safety, trust, collaboration and empowerment. In a first session, that looks like a therapist who explains before they suggest, asks before they try, and treats "no" as a full answer.

You can ask how the work will be paced, what the therapist does if you start to feel overwhelmed, and what grounding means in their practice. You do not have to tell your whole story at once, or at all. A careful therapist works with what you remember and how it affects you now; they do not tell you what must have happened. If someone offers to uncover memories you do not have, read the red flags in finding an inner child therapist before going further.

If you want a sense of what to do if a session stirs up more than expected, when inner child work feels overwhelming covers the signs and some steadying steps.

What to bring and how to prepare

The National Institute of Mental Health's tips for talking with a health care provider about mental health work well for a first therapy appointment:

• Write down your questions and what you want to say. Nerves make it easy to forget.
• Bring a list of any medications, including over-the-counter drugs, vitamins, herbal remedies and supplements.
• If you plan to use insurance, bring your card and check your benefits with your plan beforehand.
• Bring anything that helps you feel steady: water, a sweater, notes on your phone.
• Leave the photo albums at home for now. Some therapists do use childhood photos or letters later; if that interests you, ask, rather than arriving with them.

Questions to ask in the first session

A first session is also your chance to interview the therapist. NIMH suggests asking about credentials and experience, the approach they use, the reasoning and evidence behind it, the goals of therapy, whether they recommend a time frame, and how progress will be assessed. For inner child work, a few more are worth adding:

• When you say inner child work, what do you mean, and what does it look like in a session?
• What training do you have in it, or in related approaches?
• How do you decide when to move toward painful memories, and when to wait?
• What would you suggest I do between sessions, and what should I avoid doing on my own?
• If I want my faith or spiritual life to be part of this, how would that fit?

After the first session

It is common to feel tired, tender, relieved or unsettled for a day or so after talking about your early life. That does not mean something has gone wrong. Be gentle with yourself that evening, and mention how you felt at the next session; it helps the therapist pace things.

Give it a few sessions before deciding on fit. The National Alliance on Mental Illness suggests asking yourself whether you feel comfortable with the person and whether they seem to be on your side. If the answer is no after a fair try, it is fine to look elsewhere.

Starting with Laura Bass

Laura Bass offers inner child work as part of individual counseling with adults 18 and over, at her main practice in Charlotte and at a part-time office at The Healing Cottage in Columbus, near Tryon. She is licensed in North Carolina and South Carolina. Clients who want it can include spiritual or Emotion Code work alongside counseling; it is always their choice.

The specifics of a first session with Laura, including how she structures it, how long it lasts, what paperwork she uses and what it costs, are questions to ask her. You can reach her through the contact page, and inner child work with Laura Bass describes what she offers.

Counseling is not crisis care. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988 at any hour.

Common questions