Questions to ask before starting inner child work

What should I ask a therapist before starting inner child work?

Ask about four things: their license and training, what inner child work means in their practice, how they pace it and keep it safe, and the practical side such as goals, cost and confidentiality. The National Institute of Mental Health suggests asking any therapist about their credentials and experience, the approach they will use, the goals of therapy and how progress will be assessed.

Asking is not rude or demanding. Most therapists expect it, and how someone answers, whether clearly and patiently or vaguely and defensively, is useful information in itself. NIMH also stresses that rapport and trust are essential, so notice how you feel in the conversation as well as what is said.

Questions about license and training

A state license is the floor, not the ceiling. It tells you the person has a recognized degree, supervised experience and an exam behind them, and that a board can hear complaints. Training in inner child approaches comes on top of that.

• What is your license, and in which states are you licensed? Are you licensed in the state where I live?
• What training have you had in the approach you use for inner child work, and how long have you been using it?
• Are you certified in that approach, or trained but not certified?
• Do you have experience with clients whose childhood included trauma, neglect or addiction in the family?
• Who do you consult with or refer to if something is outside your training?

Questions about their approach

Because inner child is an informal idea rather than one defined therapy, it is worth asking what it actually looks like with this person.

• What does inner child work mean in your practice? What would we actually do in a session?
• Which model or models do you draw on, and why?
• What does the research say about that approach, and where is it still thin?
• How does inner child work fit with my other goals, such as my relationship, anxiety or grief?
• Will you give me exercises to do between sessions?
• If faith or spirituality matters to me, how do you make room for it? If it does not, will anything spiritual be suggested?

Questions about pacing and safety

Early memories can bring up strong feelings, so how a therapist paces the work is one of the most important things to understand before you begin.

• How do you decide when, or whether, to go into childhood memories?
• What happens if I feel overwhelmed, numb or far away during a session?
• Do you teach grounding or other skills before we start the deeper work?
• Can I say stop, or ask to slow down, at any point?
• How do you handle it if memories of abuse come up?
• What should I do if I feel worse between sessions?

Practical questions

These are easy to forget and can matter a lot once you start:

• How often would we meet, and how long are sessions?
• What do you charge, and do you take my insurance?
• How will we set goals and review progress? NIMH suggests asking whether a therapist recommends a time frame or number of sessions.
• What are the limits of confidentiality?
• What happens if I need help between appointments, or in a crisis?

Questions to ask yourself first

The therapist is not the only one worth questioning. A few honest questions to yourself can make the first conversation more useful:

• What do I hope will be different? Naming one or two changes, such as reacting less sharply to criticism, gives you and the therapist something to aim for.
• Is now a manageable time? Inner child work can stir things up, so it helps to have some steadiness in daily life and a few people you can lean on.
• Do I prefer someone close to home or a little farther away? In a small town, some people choose a therapist outside their own community for privacy.
• What matters to me in a therapist: gender, faith background, experience with my kind of family history?
• How will I know if this person is a good fit? Often it is a sense of being listened to without being rushed.

Asking Laura Bass

Laura Bass offers inner child work as part of individual counseling with adults, in Charlotte and at her part-time office in Columbus, near Tryon. She is licensed in North Carolina and South Carolina, so you can check her on the boards above whichever side of the state line you live on. Ask her the questions on this page, including which approaches she uses, how she paces the work, how often she suggests meeting and what she charges. She is in network with several insurance plans, so check with your own plan too; using insurance for therapy in Polk County lists what to ask.

Reach her through the contact page, and see inner child work with Laura Bass and your first inner child therapy session. Her practice is not a crisis service: if you are in danger, call 911, and if you are thinking about suicide or in emotional crisis, call or text 988. The inner child work guide has the rest of this library.

Common questions